I’ve got a series case of the lonelies tonight. The problem with a positive attitude is that there has to be cracks sometimes. It can’t stay perfect and flawless all the time. Nothing can.
For me the cracks always appear at night when I’m watching my best friend talk to her boy, or when I’m crawling into bed alone, hugging my laptop or iPod instead of Him.
I’ll wake up in the morning and I’ll feel strong. I’ll tell myself that I don’t need to see or speak to him at all. And I will really believe it. By the time I’m going to bed, I’ll be hovering over his number on my phone. Not even having anything to say to him, but wanting to talk to him nonetheless.
I used to be good at going to bed alone. Now that I know the feeling of waking up to a kiss on my shoulder, the feeling the weight of arms on my waist; now that I know the frustration of being kept awake because I can’t sleep with someone? Now, going to bed alone is the lowest part of my day.
Tomorrow I’ll be strong. Tomorrow I’ll be patient. Tomorrow I’ll remember that this is meant to be about me. Tomorrow I’ll remember that I deserve better than someone who won’t be here.
For tonight, I’m going to miss something I never really had.
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