Turns out that for all my talk, I never learn.
I fell in love. I fell fast. Late August to early October was all it took, and just like that, a day after making plans for the future with me, he calls it all off, says we're too different and we're better as friends.
I've been a wreck this past week, and I wonder why I ever welcomed the idea of this feeling. I always said that heartbreak was a good thing, because it proved you were capable of love. Now I never want to feel it again. I just want the happiness back.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I could have married him. I looked at him and I saw his flaws and I saw his faults and I saw nothing that would have made me not want to be with him. He introduced me to his daughter, to his family, to his friends. He called me every night right before bed. He held doors open for me, he was proud of everything I did. He asked what I was doing with someone like him. And then nothing.
I've never had anything feel so right. And here I am once again, alone. Wondering why he doesn't want me.