Mistakes we knew we were making....

Not sure what it says about me that I can spend the morning in bed with you, and feel nothing at all.

Do you remember a time when the truth ran free?

If everything that you do is done for the right reasons, you'll never have regrets.

Never not do something because it scares you. DO IT, because it scares you. The things that scare you most are the things you have the most to gain from.


Just some thoughts going through my mind today. And now to figure out how to put them into practice.

I think about you all the time, but I don't need the same

And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way


You could hide beside me, maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name


Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?
Don't it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?



I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are
Come back down
And I won't tell 'em your name

She was a hurricane but now she's just a gust of wind...

I don't know when it got so hard for me to be assertive.
Maybe I've always been like this and just didn't realise it.
I think maybe I'm too afraid of someone not liking me if I stand up for myself.
I think maybe I'm too afraid of a boy not liking me if I stand up for myself.
Saw Reader yesterday. Bumped into him on the street and for 10 minutes, despite a crap day and my bad mood, Valentines didn't suck.
He said he might call over last night, but he didn't show. He did text to see if we could hang out tonight instead.
Found out tonight he was on his way out with the boys.
I actually called him on it, and in the space of 2 minutes, I felt 3 inches tall, wanting to take it back, to apologise for overreacting, to take the blame and ask him not to hate me for it.
The irony is that I HATE weak girls who let guys treat them like this.
If this was one of my friends I would have told her long ago to forget him. I've told myself to forget him.
And now, because of a stupid fight, my bad mood is back, I feel foolish, and I feel like I've blown something with him.
Blown what, I don't know, considering how awful it was last week when we hung out.
I don't know where this attitude comes from.
I don't know why I think that unacceptable treatment of me is acceptable, if it means a boy likes me.
I hate that more than I hate this post-fight feeling.
I have every right to be pissed if he blows off plans.
I'm not his ex girlfriend who took it and accepted it for 2 years. I'm not even his current girlfriend. I am his friend, and I would never treat a friend like that.
Time to stop letting them get away with it.

You can get what you want or you can just get old...

Airports are hell on earth, buses are uncomfortable, and trains are cold. I romanticise them in a way that I can't explain. I want to travel again. San Francisco was two of the best weeks of my life. I always imagined I would have seen so much more of the world than I have, at this point. I left Dublin, came home, and have been lost to static and stillness ever since. I need to start moving again. 

I don't know where my heart lies. I think I could happily spend my life in San Francisco. but maybe I need to keep looking for a while too. Melbourne looks incredibly appealing right now too. And maybe I'll end up following my heart right back home, or maybe I'll find something I never thought I would. I guess I won't know until I go, and I think maybe it's time I went looking, to see where my heart lies, and what it will find when I get there. 

Happiness is the shine on the street after the rain. It is the quiet moments in a busy city. It is exploring with friends, laughing, loving, dreaming, planning. It's making memories, taking photos and making collages in your mind, and on canvases too. It's in exploring the new, it's in facing your fears, it's in that perfect song that you listen to on repeat when you can't get out of bed because that little piece of music is the only thing keeping you awake. It's soft duvets, the smell of someone beside you. The knowledge that even if the spot beside you is empty, you are the greatest love that you will ever know. It's in all of the little moments that you have every day, and never notice. 

Time to start noticing. 

Time to get my happiness back. 

Time to get myself back. 

Is it something I'll regret or do I want what I can't get? I wish it didn't have to be so bad

I lay on Readers couch tonight, watching stupid TV and trying to find something to say.
It was harder than its ever been.
He said a few weeks back that you can't go back once you've crossed a certain line. I'm starting to think he's right.

I slept in his bed two weeks ago (for the first time in a couple of months) and things have been weird ever since. I'm beginning to realise that I'm never going to have him in the way I wanted him. Not again. I had a shot at it, and for a myriad of reasons, it didn't work out.

He was pretty much the last thing keeping me here. I couldn't help but wonder if I left, would I be missing out on something with him, but now I know for sure.

It feels nice just to know, one way or another I think.

Lately I'm not dreaming, so what's the point in sleeping?

I feel like I'm wasting my life.
The worst part is that I don't know how to change it at all.
I'm so terrified of waking up one day when I'm 50 and wondering what the hell I did with myself.
Already I feel like I have lost all of the things that made me interesting and unique.
Feel very much like I am settling for a very ordinary life.
Need to make a change