Hating all the boys that got to you...

And all the things they took from you 
That you'd kept for yourself. 

For lack of a better word, I got dumped tonight.
I'm not sure what's worse, the feeling of being dumped when you're not even together, or being dumped because he has found someone he actually wants to be together with.
Or it could be that for the first time in nearly a year, I haven't had a boy to occupy my mind or time.
Drummer says he needs to straighten himself out and not be a womanizer any more. I said that I hoped she was worth it and he agreed. This is the second time in six months that he's found someone more worth it than I apparently am.
I'm torn between being bitter (because I want to be the girl who is worth it) and resigned because he was always my second choice anyway.
The great thing is that we both know it. We always do.
He knows Reader, is friends with him even, and he knows, I think, that if it came down to it, who I would choose.
It's okay though, because I know that he'd choose a different girl every time over me.

Truth is, I'm not that cut up about it either way.
I've seen it coming for a couple of weeks. I'm getting quite good at context clues, and it's not like we were ever epic anyway.
The truth is, that what's upsetting me is that despite my promise that this year was not going to be about boys, it's been about nothing else so far.
And now I've no excuses. I have no safety nets.
Now, all I have is me.
Already I am panicking about the free fall.

I know in theory that its better to be lonely alone, than to be lonely with someone.
I know that I deserve so much better than what all of these boys have been giving me.
I know that until I am happy with just me, I'll never find a boy that will be happy with just me.
Doesn't mean being alone sucks any less.
I'd kind of gotten used to a warm body beside me in the bed at night.
Cuddling up with my laptop doesn't feel nearly as good.